LIFE IS CRAZY.
so much money. different names. ahead of the game. dating a hustler, and i am the same. life is crazy, i always knew it’d be this way. i just didn’t know when, but that time is now. court dates, probation meetings, stripping for tips, just to pay off all my bills. Do i like what i’m doing? yeah why not? i’m self sufficient, shit i even got a christmas tree up. lip gloss, 8 inch heels, and a nice ass is all it takes. sober living with a little help of my substance abuse program. Didn’t ever think i needed help but i always needed something just to slow down. to feel normal, to feel the ground. too high to even hear a sound. I’m stubborn and i didn’t ever care, I still don’t, but things are changing. At least i want them too. My path is mine to choose. Eyes open and not sure which way to go.
I can only face so much reality. pinch myself and feel the pain. making love to my love and feel orgasms. I am real and i’m here to stay. how much more can I take? i don’t know and who really knows which way is the right to go. I’m just gonna test my waters to which way my river flows.
feeling so uninspired lately, or perhaps i’m not translating, the new knowledge i’m absorbing, correctly. It feels as if i can’t feel anything anymore. Not in a depressing way though, i’m just not finding the same enjoyment/adrenaline in certain things i do. I’m ready for something new.